Your Honest Self

"The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self." – Fred Rogers

Your honest self. What could Mr. Rogers mean? The self is a popular subject these days. We even have a magazine titled "Self". In counseling, we often talk about the true self and the false self. Have you ever asked yourself, "Who am I, really?" Does it frighten you to know the answer? Does the process of finding out sound exhausting? Think of a metaphor that could describe your honest self: a cave, a forest, a beautiful tile wall covering over rugged, broken brick?

Now think about what it means to give that same honest self away. Could you ever consider that your honest self is the best gift you have to offer? What about when honesty has the potential to hurt someone we love? Or when honesty means revealing the parts of us that we feel ashamed of, or even hate? It's hard to imagine, and yet it might sound appealing in a way. To live honestly, I mean.

Consider more wise words from Mr. Rogers:

When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the facade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way.

The only way to accept others exactly as they are is by accepting ourselves that way. Hmmm. That sounds good, right? It makes sense somehow. And yet, I find myself wondering, "How do I actually do that? What kind of work must I do in order to accept myself, flaws and all?"

The answer, I think, lies in whether I've experienced that kind of love from anyone else. On my own, I cannot summon enough grace, compassion, or patience to truly accept myself as is. I am all too acquainted with my unloveliness, my fear, my self protective impulses. If anyone truly knew my honest self, they would never love me as is. Much less receive it as a gift. And yet...

I have experienced that kind of love from others. I've shared dark thoughts towards my husband with him. I've confessed self-righteous judgment towards my children. I've shamefully revealed my past and current sins to safe friends, to my pastor. And I've more often than not been met with a smile, a hug, an encompassing acceptance that I can feel in my bones and my soul.

I would never have experienced my unloveliness-being-loved if I hadn't risked telling the terrifying truth. Have you also experienced this? I hope so.

I'll leave you with one more quote and an invitation:

"Tell the truth. It only hurts once. Lies hurt everyone all the time." – David Viscott

Just as lies hurt everyone, and living out of your false self hurts, telling the truth heals. Giving your honest self to others can be healing, both to you and them. If you're not sure who your honest self is, or are too afraid to look by yourself, please reach out to one of our counselors so we can provide the compassion and safety needed to help you discover both the good and the bad. So we can help you start believing that your honest self truly is a gift.