New Year, New You?

My husband asked our family a good question yesterday: "Which of you tends to reflect on the past year, and which tends to look forward to the new year?" To my surprise, I found myself saying "neither." I generally like to stay in the present and take each day as it comes. I wonder if this is why I feel such mixed emotions each time the new year arrives.

There are so many recommendations out there for making this new year better than the last one. Diet and exercise, boundaries with screens, saying yes more than saying no, going to church, taking up a creative hobby, etc. They all usually involve some kind of goal and some kind of plan to achieve that goal. On the one hand, I am all for the trajectory of my life becoming healthier and happier. As a Christian, I believe that God's plan for humanity will culminate in an "all things new" reality, and that our lives right now are a piece of that movement.

We entertain hope - could this year possibly hold even more good for me than the last?

But then my skepticism arrives...I've tried to "get better" before. I've tried many things to change my life in positive ways. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I stick with them, sometimes I quit early. I feel pressure and guilt, hope and disappointment fire around like a ball in a pinball machine. If New Year's resolutions can only be another way to demonstrate my failures in achieving goals, the proverbial "they" can have them back. It brings me to the same question each time:

What is the point of trying to grow?

If you've ever wondered this, you are certainly not alone. Being a human is hard, and trying to make our lives better often feels like a non-linear, frustrating, "one step forward, three steps backward" endeavor. In light of this, I'd like to entertain an even better question:

How do we cultivate hope and what role do we play in growth?

Each new year can bring new hope if the object of our hope is a solid one. And unfortunately, the object of my hope often is my own willpower, my own abilities. This doesn't get me very far. And sometimes even my whole paradigm needs to be shifted. Instead of exercising more or trying some other behavioral technique, what if even the way I think about growth needs to change? I may not even know that the way I'm thinking about growth needs to change...until a safe, wise person comes alongside me and gives me a different perspective. Someone who is willing to journey with me as I try to move forward. Someone who can hold onto hope for me when I don't see the point of trying.

One thing I do know: growth rarely happens in a vacuum. I believe we were made to need other people. I believe we primarily grow through relationships, one of which can be a counseling relationship. Our counselors at Deep Waters are privileged to walk alongside anyone who is wrestling with hope or questioning the point of trying to make their life better. This is often the best starting place for real change to happen, actually. Don't start this year all on your own with more of the same techniques, hoping that your willpower and motivation will magically kick in. Reach out to one of our safe, wise counselors and begin a different kind of journey in 2025.